Kind Nursing
by sbrianson
Summary: No matter how wellmeant, a nurse’s TLC can never replace a lover’s touch. Slash.


"Kind Nursing"

Pairing: Remus Lupin / Sirius Black

Rating: "M" for slash and language.

DISCLAIMER: This story is fictional – that's F-I-C-T-I-O-N. It never happened, and is not real. It is the product of my own imagination. It contains descriptions of male slash (that's male/male homosexual relations). If you do not like this type of content, or if you find homosexuality or its practice offensive, please click the "Back" button or close your Internet browser NOW, and do not read any further. All characters and copyrights are owned by J.K Rowling and Warner Brothers™ (AOL Time Warner), but this story is owned by me and is all my own work.

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'It couldn't be true,' Remus thought, lying once more in the hospital wing while Madam Pomfrey fussed over him. 'It just couldn't be true.' He had sworn blindly that Sirius had been guilty, had betrayed Lily and James, had killed Peter, had gone into league with Voldemort… It had been the only explanation. Everything that had happened, Remus had tried to explain away. But he couldn't explain to himself, all twelve years of excuses and lonely consolation, that he didn't love Sirius.

And that night, all of his dreams had seemed to have come true. That the man he loved had _not_ been an evil, cold and calculated murderer after all… that he was innocent, and with Peter alive to confess his side of the story, Sirius was free…

Free to be with him again…

There would be no more of those cold days keeping up appearances; suspecting… being suspected… There would be no more lonely, miserable evenings; drinking too much, with only the Wizarding Wireless Network for company. There would be no more empty nights, crying himself to sleep in a half-empty bed because Sirius was an evil, murdering bastard, curled up in the straw in his prison cell, laughing, showing no remorse at the heinous crimes he had committed.

But of course Sirius had shown no remorse, Remus finally understood, because he had nothing to be remorseful _about_.

But now, Peter had escaped. Sirius was on the run. And he had nothing to do except lie down in the hospital wing, a face and a torso full of fresh scars and wounds, thinking about how to word his next letter to Dumbledore.

His letter of resignation.

It was all because of the stupid fucking lycanthropy! That he had been so distracted yesterday that he had not taken the Wolfsbane Potion. Because if he had taken the potion, Sirius and Severus wouldn't have had to protect the kids, wouldn't have had to stop him from attacking Harry, Ron and Hermione, and wouldn't have been forced to let Peter run away. Because he had forgotten about the bloody full moon, he had ruined _everything_.

He hadn't even been able to take just two minutes out and get Sirius on his own, and ask him the question which had plagued his mind for the last thirteen years: did Sirius still love him?

Instead he had to bear Madam Pomfrey's kind nursing and small talk at his bedside as he had woken to see her daubing a familiar, foul-smelling green ointment over the deep welts on his chest. He had lain there, her doing the things that Sirius used to do, and tried to imagine that it really was Sirius tending to him, just like old times. _Happier_ times. His soft, stroking touch, the quick kisses of reassurance, the sweet nothings whispered in his ear that would usually make him recover _very quickly_, in a hurry to get Sirius to their bedroom so that he could fulfil some of the promises he had made in those sweet nothings…

Madam Pomfrey had broken the news of Severus's breakfast-time revelation shortly afterwards. And then not only had Remus lost the one chance to try and be with Sirius again, but in that instant, he had also lost the one respectable, well-paid job he had ever been able to hold down as an adult. He couldn't stay here now, not with all the owls that would very shortly begin to arrive, demanding his immediate relief from duty.

It had been the only job he had ever been happy in; the only job which didn't involve back-breaking labour for a pittance which wouldn't even buy his sweat for the day's toil.

"I know, dear," said the nurse's friendly voice in his ear as the tears started to trail down his face at last. "It should be Mr. Black doing this for you."

"What?"

"Don't think I hadn't clocked on to you two!" she chuckled, hurrying away for more ointment. 'Of course,' he thought. It shouldn't have surprised him; not with the amount of time he had spent lying in beds at St Mungo's. 'Poppy is a _nurse_ after all, and somehow, Nursie always _knows_!'

"He left this for you, dear," she said gently, placing a scrap of parchment in his hand before bustling across the wing to fuss over somebody else. Slowly, he unfolded the parchment and began to read.

"_My dearest Moony,_

_Words can not express how I felt when I saw you again last night. It felt, honestly, as if my soul had been completed once more. Do you remember – long ago, now – when I used to love you? When we were together? Well, Moony, my feelings for you have never changed. I love you, from the very bottom of my heart. But there is a question which has gnawed away at me all this time. One that I desperately need the answer to. Do you still love me? I am so sorry that I can't be there for you right now, and that you're stuck with Madam Pomfrey. But I have had to go on the run. With Wormtail running back to his master, I am still a wanted man. But I hope that it will all be sorted out soon. Will you still want me, when all of this blows over? I hope and pray that you will say 'Yes'! I will write again very soon – just you try and stop me!_

_Yours with all my love,_

_Padfoot._"

"He _does_ still love you, dear," said Madam Pomfrey, appearing out of nowhere at his bed again. Remus laughed as the nurse went about her fussing over him once more, thinking that while Madam Pomfrey's nursing was indeed kind and effective, maybe he wouldn't need a substitute for Sirius for much longer. And at that, Remus closed his eyes, swimming away to a sleep that would be full of dreams of his schooldays and hope for a future that would one day restore everything to how they should be once more.


End file.
